I am mindful this day is also a time to remember our own family members who have gone before us. Memorial Day is a time for remembering...remembering our kin, our legacy, our history, our genealogy, our bloodlines, ... our memories.
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| Eli cleaning on his Grandma Emily's headstone. He never knew her, as she died when he was only about 7 months old. |
It's the day we visit the cemeteries.
Only Ben's family is buried locally, so that's who we go to see. (My family is buried in Washington Court House, Ohio, an hour and a half away and we haven't yet made that trek on Memorial Day Weekend ...but I long to, so perhaps next year I'll do better about planning it.)
Monday morning we loaded up the back of the CR-V with Clorox wipes, a bag of rags and four 1-gallon jugs of water and headed out. First stop we made was at Memory Gardens, where Ben's mother, step-father, uncle and one set of grandparents are all buried.
We drove to the top of the farthest hill and stopped first at his mom's grave. We all piled out and set about cleaning off the headstone. It's hard for Ben to get up and down from the ground a lot because of his back problems, so Ash and Eli did most of our cleaning this Memorial Day. Hi
Ben's step-father, Ralph, is buried here too. It's wasn't in too bad of shape. A little bird-poo, a little splattered mud and lots of grass clippings from where the grounds crew mows. Because we go every year, though, it's well cared for and doesn't look neglected. Eli never knew Ben's mom. He was only a few months old when she passed. Ash remembers her, but sadly, Emily never knew either of her grandchildren. Early on-set Alzheimer's robbed her of this blessing.
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| Ash cleaning Grandma Emily's headstone. |
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| Ralph and Emily (McConkey, Brooks) Kail, Ben's step-father and Mother |
Ash used to accompany Ben at the nursing home when he would go out to visit his mom. Ash vaguely remembers her, but unfortunately only when she was ill. Emily did not raise Ben for most of his childhood, and it makes my heart sad when I think how much she would have liked having grandsons, and how proud she would be of the good man Ben is. I hope it honors her that we come to check on her and Ralph each year.
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| Eli and Ben scrubbing Uncle Ronnie's grave marker |
Next, we moved over to Ben's uncle Ronnie's grave. Ronnie was Ben's dad's brother and such a kind and good man. A severe car accident had left Ronnie scarred and broken, physically and emotionally, in his early adulthood. He loved kids, but never had children of his own and Ben fondly remembers how he would be the only child in a house full of adults and it would be uncle Ronnie who would get down on the floor to play with and give some much appreciated attention to Ben when he was little. He adored his uncle.
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| Ben's paternal Grandparents - Edward and Edna (Timson) Brooks |
After we cleaned uncle Ronnie's headstone, we moved to a different section and located Grandma and Grandpa Brooks' grave. I never met Grandpa, but I grew up knowing Grandma Brooks, since Ben's cousin, Angie, and I were friends.
Grandma Brooks was a sweet, generous woman who learned about life during the Great Depression. No matter how little she had, if you came into Grandma's house, she fed you. She would have adored having great-grandsons! She was a loving, giving woman and I wish our boys could have known her, but I feel blessed and honored that I at least knew this dear woman whom Ben loved.
Grandma Brooks was a sweet, generous woman who learned about life during the Great Depression. No matter how little she had, if you came into Grandma's house, she fed you. She would have adored having great-grandsons! She was a loving, giving woman and I wish our boys could have known her, but I feel blessed and honored that I at least knew this dear woman whom Ben loved.
At this point we left Memory Gardens and drove about 30 minutes to a little country cemetery in the Coolville area, located on a back-road off another back-road. It's small and quaint and isolated. This is where we visited Ben's Dad's grave. The marker still hasn't been put in place, though it's been nearly a year and a half since he passed, so I have no photo of that one. But we think we figured out which grave was his. We didn't stay long, since there was nothing to clean, but I was still really glad we went there. Hopefully by next year, the AMVETS will have the headstone, or plaque, in place.
On our way out of the Coolville cemetery, Ben got stung by a bee on his wrist. It flew off before we could identify it -- Ben never even saw the darn thing, but he sure felt it! Because he has a tendency to react to stings, I always have Benedryl on hand. Thankfully I had some in my purse, since the welt was quickly evident and you could see the area surrounding it (about the size of a baseball) beginning to redden and grow warm. Thankfully again, we had drinks in the car, so he was able to take the Benedryl quickly and by the time we made the 30 minute trip back to town, the swelling was barely visible and the welt had shrunk down to hardly anything at all. Whew! Thank you Benedryl!
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| Ben cleaning Grandma & Grandpa McConkey's headstone |
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| Eli cleaned Grandpa McConkey's military footstone |
Last stop was the hardest. As we returned to town, we went to the West Union Street Cemetery where Ben's maternal grandparents are buried. These are the people who raised Ben from the time he was an infant until his teens.
Grandma and Grandpa McConkey were who Ben considers to be his parents. He loved them so.
I watched as Ben forced himself to get down on his knees and begin to clean their headstone himself. It was a touching moment for me to see, knowing how physically straining it is for him to get down like that, and in doing so, he showed them such love and respect. Grandpa died when Ben was around 13 or 14, and shortly afterward, Grandma was a passenger in a vehicle that was T-boned by another vehicle, causing her brain-damage. She lived another 10 years in a nursing home, but was never the same. Because she didn't know Ben anymore, he pretty much had lost her as well. It was a painful loss for him, to lose both of these dear people so close together, and he was at such a young age. Makes my heart sad.
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| Arley and Sylvia (Robinette) McConkey, Ben's maternal grandparents, and who raised him from infancy to his teens. |
After we cleaned their headstone and paid our respects, we headed home... a sense of accomplishment within us, a sense of family pride and a mild sense of sorrow...the kind that makes you sigh and smile gently.
I like that our boys are growing up doing this. I hope one day when my spirit has moved on and my remains lie in the ground, that at least once a year, someone who once loved me will come to check on the spot where I lay; will sweep away the grass, wash away the bird-droppings and the dirt. I hope they will continue this family tradition, and as they stand over my earthly body's resting place they will sigh and smile, and share some pleasant memories of days gone by. And then I hope they head home to enjoy their weekend together, as a family, and make new memories of their own.
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