So much to write about!

So much has occurred in the last month and a half that I hardly know where to begin.  Our family has faced a lot of trials, but we're still here!  And we keep putting one foot in front of the other.

We have been through med changes with Eli and half the adjustments have been good, half not so good.  We are currently waiting for a response from the Dr. for some direction.  It's been a rough 45 days for Eli and our family alike and I pray we are able to help get him back on track soon.  His anxiety is causing him many struggles, and these days I feel we've lost ground on many of our accomplishments.  Fortunately, I know we will move forward again in time.

Also, as of the beginning of October, we have left our church.  Four men whom we have loved and respected for many, many years put themselves in leadership roles and then behaved in such self-serving ways, putting themselves before God and all others in the congregation, that we can no longer be a part of that church.  The Four have been as selfish and demanding as spoiled children who only want their own way at all costs.  When they couldn't bully and badger hard enough to get their own way, they had a tantrum, treated people in hurtful and cruel ways, made very poor decisions, and declared themselves victorious.  Then they made up stories filled with half-truths and fabrications to justify their actions. Never once did they ask the congregation what was important to them.  Never once did they take anyone else's opinions into consideration. Just four guys on a power trip, and they ripped our church apart.

It has been such a terrible, eye-opening experience and I fully understand now why people walk away from the church and never look back.  It's because of people like this, who make the church a defiled, hypocritical place.  It has left us broken-hearted, but we will find a new church to call home in time.  One that is God-focused, where everyone is welcome and one's journey with and growth in Christ is more important than a petty, self-serving "Boy's Club" mentality and a dress code.  I wonder if I will ever be able to become as involved as I once was?  My trust in "man" has been shaken.  But my Faith has grown ten times stronger, so maybe that was the whole point.

Quite honestly, our family has grown closer to one another and to God through this difficult time.  There are still so many wonderful people still attending that church who we deeply love but had to leave behind, though it doesn't mean I want them gone from my life.  They are still precious to me.  I once again feel the loss of leaving home, but our family knows right from wrong and we cannot stay where this has been allowed to go on.  Our hearts will heal in time, and we continue to move forward.

Then, Ben had back surgery last week and I am grateful to say that he has had less pain after the surgery than he had going into the surgery!  I've not seen him stand so straight and tall for over a year.  It's been a long road leading to this point in our lives, and now he is on the road to recovery.  Finally and at last!  We are blessed to have been at Riverside in Columbus, and I can hands down say it was the best hospital experience we've ever had!  We both thought the place was great! Hopefully within two months he'll be feeling very much improved.

The hard part of Ben's surgery was that the Dr. told us Ben might come home same day, or possibly have to stay the night if he was to leak spinal fluid after the surgery.  The day AFTER the surgery, the Dr.'s partnering Dr. came in to visit and said, "Oh no...generally people having this surgery stay two to three days!" Ben and I had not planned for that, had not budgeted for that, and had not anticipated having to have someone care for our children for that long.  Thankfully my mother was able to stay with the boys until we came home two days later!  Thankfully my father was able to loan us some money to help with surviving the extra motel costs (two extra nights) and having to eat out constantly (me....Ben was getting room service, of course!)  I had brief aggravation until I got my perspective back on track, and everything worked out.

It wasn't so easy on Eli.  As much as he loves Grandma, having mom and dad gone for more than overnight was a severe upset to his "normal routines", and he did not handle the second half of our absence very well.

 So what's my point here?  Point is...life is hard!!  Just when you get to a place and you think everything is going along just the way you want it to, it can all fall apart.  It helps to know who you are and what you stand for, as well as what you won't.  It helps to have a solid foundation of faith for comfort and guidance.  It helps to know how to keep your eyes focused on the right things, to know how to regain proper perspective and keep a positive attitude during the most difficult of times.

God's been working on me steadily for the last year to drive these skills home, and though I'm not great at them yet, I'm far better at them than I was before. I'm learning to survive the trials of life.  I'm learning to hand it all up and relinquish control.  I have learned quite well that I am not in charge, I do not have control and, the most comforting part, I do NOT have to fix it!  All I have to do is trust, and wait.  He will manage the rest.