Fears for my son

Many people are aware of this video that has been circulating this week of the father talking about how they were able catch his autistic son's teacher and aide bullying the boy. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfkscHt96R0

I include it here to help increase awareness of this situation.  But I will be perfectly honest....I have not watched it. 

I cannot watch it. 

When I read the title of the video -- Teacher/Bully: How my Son was Humiliated and Tormented by as his Teacher and Aide -- I felt nauseous.  I felt literally SICK. 

What if this was MY child?!

It's hard enough sending your child out into the world alone.  To a babysitter.  To daycare. To school. Eventually you adjust.  There's a level of trust that is established with another adult who spends the day with your child.  After the first day apart, and your little sweetie comes home all happy and excited...and safe...you relax a bit.  The anxiety goes out of the situation, and you say, "Okay.  He's alright!  No worries! She's happy!  Everything will be okay!"  Doesn't every parent go through that when they send their child out into the world when they can't be there to protect him?

And that's just with our typically developing children.

Throw into the mix a child with....issues.  Now we've got a whole new ballgame. 

Unless you have lived it, you cannot possibly imagine the constant anxiety a parent goes through when they have that child who can't behave, can't keep it together, who causes problems every day at the location you have left him, who stresses out the adult they are with, and you can't fix it for either of them.  The sense of failure.  The sense of guilt. 

You can't fathom the feeling in the pit of this parent's stomach when you ask for a report at the end of that day, hoping against hope, that maybe today you'll hear, "He did really well!" but knowing you're more than likely goign to hear about how he couldn't keep his hands to himself, can't behave appropriately, was defiant, uncooperative, wouldn't settle down, threw things, hit people, got really angry and screamed and cried, wouldn't play with the other children, would participate in the activities...again.

This is the child you love!  The one who leaves you up at night worrying about what you're doing wrong.  The one you spend years trying to figure out how to help.  The one you'd give anything to see succeed! 

And then you get the referral and start the long, long, ... looooong process of evaluations and mounds of paperwork and missed days of work, miles and miles and miles of driving (unless you're lucky enough to live really close to all the Drs who can help you.... we weren't that lucky), and the endless line of doctors...the neurologists and the psychologists and the specialists and ....

BUT WAIT...I'm GRATEFUL for all the time and effort and energy we've devoted!  If you're just starting this process, DON'T STOP!!!  It IS worth it!  Look how far our efforts have brought Eli!  There was a time I thought he'd be with us forever...he'd never have a life of his own that he'd be able to managed by himself.  Now... look at him!  How smart he is!  How well he does on his meds.  Sure he has difficult days still.  Sure he still meets challenges at times, but he's going to be fine.

And then I saw the headline. 

Teacher/Bully: How my Son was Humiliated and Tormented by as his Teacher and Aide

I instantly felt sick.  I instantly thought, "Oh my gosh, could this happen to my Eli?"  Would some future person treat him this badly?  Would a trusted adult do this to my sweet boy and hurt him in this way?  

How do I keep him safe?  These are the thoughts that keep me up on a night like tonight.

Here's what I have determined.

Here's what I know I can do: 

I can pray and keep faith that God will never take Eli through any challenge greater than he can handle.  He's proven to me over and over than He's with us at all times, and though out journey has had its ups and downs, we're handling it!  We're doing okay here!

I can remain involved in his schooling, developing good relationships with the teachers, the principal, the school psychologist, and other staff, so they KNOW my son, they KNOW how sweet a child he is, they KNOW the challenges he faces daily and we make sure we identify and accommodate for those challenges. 

And I can write. 

I can write this blog and I can connect people to Eli who have never even met him, but who will appreciate him for who he is;  who will not only be aware of his "issues" but who will also ACCEPT him as he is...they'll have compassion and tolerance for this boy, who will grow into a teen, and who will grow into a man. They'll have empathy for his difficulties and they'll celebrate his victories, all because they are reading this blog. 

They will see him for the wonderful person Eli is! 

Not a behavior problem. 

Not some weird kid who yells out in the middle of class and then doesn't remember it five minutes later. 

Not some unfriendly kid who won't even speak to you when you try to talk to him because he doesn't know who in the world you are, so it's best to just ignore you...you might go away. 

NO!  They won't see him that way, they'll KNOW he's just Eli because they already read about that "certain thing he does" or that "way he acts sometimes" here on this blog, and they'll instead nod and smile and say, "That's just how Eli is.  Just be patient with him." 

And they won't be cruel to him.

Thank you.  Thank you to everyone who has mentioned to me that they read the blog, like the blog, have learned from the blog, to everyone who has commented on the blog either here on Blogger, or on Facebook.... you have no idea how much it uplifts me!  Because I know every single one of you will help to support and protect Eli as he grows up.

THAT'S what I can do to help protect him.  I can help get awareness and understanding out there, promote acceptance for all who are struggling with challenges, be it through Autism or something else, and help to get everyone on board. 

Because it really does take a community to raise a child.