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Ohio, United States
My journey before and after bariatric surgery.

Monday, March 19, 2012

The Wedding Weekend


Being patient and standing still
This has been a wild and fantastic weekend!  Eli did a wonderful job as Ring Bearer at his Aunt Rachel's wedding!  Preparing him ahead of time for what to expect had very positive effects!

Wednesday evening last week I took him to Donatos and let him play a while.  Over pizza we discussed what would be happening on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  We talked about the things he would see and be expected to do, and in general everything he might expect to happen during the up coming weekend. 

I had made a print out of days and approximate times, and he looked over it as I talked, but he didn't really want to hang on to it after we were done.  That was okay!  At least he'd looked it over and it might help him to remember since he had visually seen it.  He didn't have any questions at the time, but I was very proud of him that he was willing to give me his undivided attention as we talked about it. 

This was his first wedding, EVER!  It was all new to him.  He's never been to a wedding before, not even as a guest, let alone been IN one. 

We also talked about the the after-effects all the events and busy-ness might have on him several hours later when it was all over with, and what we might do to avoid a meltdown.  Huffy breath -- I'll be fine, Mom!  He never thinks he's going to have one, and I'm always hopeful this time he'll be right!  But we still talked about the possibility, and the things we might do ahead of time to help him get through the sensory overload.  Just in case.  And because we know his history.

Early Friday morning, Ben, Ash, Eli, my Dad and I all piled into the CRV and went to Columbus for the final tux fittings, as well as to pick the tuxes up and bring them home!  Eli was "squished" in the backseat of the car and that was getting on his nerves.  We played Scrabble on the Kindle to help make the trip go easier. 

Eli was adorable in his tux!  He did a really good job being patient while the gentleman adjusted his tie and vest and made sure everything fit just right.  Eli spent considerable time buttoning his own vest himself and I was proud of the gentleman helping him, as he too was patient with Eli and allowed him to do it.  This was a really nice gesture, considering how busy they were at Men's Wearhouse that morning!   


It took him awhile, but Eli got it all buttoned.

Friday evening was Rehearsal, and E learned his role and did great, just like I knew he would.  He didn't eat much at the Rehearsal Dinner, but that really didn't surprise me.  However, the choice of food he chose to eat did surprise me!!  I thought he would like the chicken cordon bleu, but out of everything that was being offered, he ended up eating several bites of the Mongolian Beef Stew.  It would have been my last pick of what he would have preferred, and it reminded me once again that I don't know every darn thing, do I?!  And that's awesome because I never tire of learning new things from my Eli!  

My sister, Rachel, (center) as I adjust her veil.









Very early Saturday morning, I had to leave the house many hours before Eli, Ash and Ben had to be anywhere.  We girls had hair appointments, and had to have time to get dressed and made-up before helping the Bride to get ready, not to mention all the pre-wedding pictures.  By the time Eli caught up to me, it was about 30 minutes before the ceremony was to begin.   

Eli, Ben and Ash looked drop-dead gorgeous in their charcoal grey tuxes and dark blue vests and their beautiful red hair!  I looked at my little family, and for a moment I thought I would cry from all the love, pride and happiness that was overwhelming me; this on top of the sheer delight of the fact that my only sister was marrying a wonderful guy in less than a half an hour!  The lump in my throat was nearly enough to choke me!  

Eli jumped up the moment I entered the room, where we were all waiting before the ceremony began.  "Mom, did you bring the roll-y cameras?" 

Oh boy!  I'd forgotten the disposable cameras!  Headthunk!  Eli calls them roll-y cameras because you roll the little wheel to advance to the next picture.  He wasn't happy that I'd forgotten them, but he made good use of Ben's digital camera instead, taking multiple, blurry shots of his Monkey, the emergency flood lights on the ceiling, the thermostat, the wallpaper, the house-phone on the wall, and a few shots of actual people as well, until the camera's batteries ran down. After I saw the pictures he'd taken, I was grateful I'd not invested in the disposables or the cost of getting the film developed after all.  I think only nine of the pictures he took were usable.  However, the real photographers were delighted with him and got some cute pictures of Eli taking pictures of all those benign items, such as the plant outside the door, and the empty hallway. 

Handsome Eli, all smiles!


The ceremony was beautiful and sweet.  Eli did his part perfectly, and was such a patient guy.  He spent a lot of time having to wait afterwards, and he did really well. It was actually difficult for the adults too!  We were all hot and hungry by that time and it's really hard to have to get through all those pictures.  Eli was on best behavior and I was so proud of him! 

His shoes were hurting his feet by that time (as were mine!!) and he really wanted to take them off, but he toughed it out with only a little, minor whining.  I assured him as soon as the pictures were finished he could take them off.  The photographers did their best to get Eli's photos over and done with as quickly as possible, and then we gave him the green light to get comfy.  Off came the shoes, off came the jacket, the vest and the tie, and then he surprised me yet again by putting the jacket back on.  I told him he could leave it off as well, but Eli was cold, so the jacket remained on him throughout the afternoon. 

The reception was upstairs, lovely and such fun!  Eli spent a great deal of time helping to entertain the young daughter (two-ish?) of one of Rachel's long-time friends.  Around 5 o'clock, Eli had invested about 5 1/2 hours to this wedding day, not to mention the time he'd invested the night before, and this was seriously cutting in to his video game time!!!  He started asking, "How much longer?"  and  "When are we going to leave?"  I recognized the fact that he was done.

I went to Rachel and asked her if she would be upset if we cut out about 1/2 an hour early, because I could tell our little guy didn't have much left in him to give.  His senses had had enough.  Rachel and Kevin were both understanding, of course, so we headed home.  I was ready to get out of my dress at that point too!

Several hours after we got home, the overload hit.  Eli got super angry at Ash, and started verbally lashing out at him relentlessly, over a minor mistake that Ash had made.  I'm not sure why Ash is often the target...I suspect it's a sibling thing.  I have to give Ash some major kudos for handling it as well as he did.  He stayed calm, and simply apologized to Eli several times for the mistake.  He didn't get angry back and pretty much just held his tongue.  I think he realized that the after-effects of the big weekend were suddenly presenting and taking Eli over, just like we'd talked about.  I know it was tough on Ash to have his brother being so hateful toward him, but he kept his cool and handled it like a pro!  Great job, Big Brother!

Eli didn't cry or scream this time, nor did he run and hide in another room or under furniture.  But he was beyond reason with his anger, and just wouldn't give up making nasty, accusatory remarks toward Ash.

Finally, I got down on the floor with him, and as I rubbed on his belly (after making sure it was okay with him that I did so), I whispered to him that he was being unfair, and reminded him of all the wonderful things Ash does for him, and reminded him of how much they love each other.  I then reminded him that this was the sensory overload reaction that was happening because of how busy our weekend had been. 

Remember, we talked about how this might happen, and how you would need to "detox" from your senses when we got home.  How anything stressful might send you over the edge....cause you to get really upset and this was why you're feeling the way you are, the anger and the strong emotions; why you're lashing out at your big brother, who loves you so much, and didn't do the mistake on purpose to hurt you....it was just an accident.

I stayed with Eli on the floor for about 5 mintues, kissing him, talking quietly to him, patting him, and reminding him that we had talked about the possibility of this occuring.  He began to relax, and then was quiet for a while and I let him be. 

A short time later, he was back to talking to Ash in nice tones and all was well.  So that "technique" worked really well this time... we'll remember it and try it again another time.  No guarantees it will consistently be helpful, but it's just one more learning experience on this journey, and Eli has once again taught me Something new!

3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry Eli got overwhelmed but it sounds like everyone was prepared more or less and handled it pretty well. I'm really glad he was able to be part of the wedding! He really did do a great job. Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have nothing to apologize for! It was a wonderful beautiful weekend and wedding, and we were all honlred to be a part of it. Eli had a great time being ring bearer. Thank you for including all of us!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You have nothing to apologize for! It was a wonderful beautiful weekend and wedding, and we were all honlred to be a part of it. Eli had a great time being ring bearer. Thank you for including all of us!!

    ReplyDelete