Not sure how to communicate with my son about his diagnoses

"Can we change the subject now?" is a commonly uttered phrase by Eli, generally followed by a huffy breath, and the occasional roll of the eyes.  

He doesn't care to discuss anything further about a particular challenge he faced that day.  He doesn't care to discuss what he maybe should have done instead of what he actually did.  He doesn't want to explore any aspect of how a situation made him feel or let me try to help him heal from it.  

He certainly doesn't care to talk about his diagnoses or anything related to his treatments or his current challenges!

It concerns me greatly.  I am naturally a communicator, and a "fixer".  I struggle desperately with not being able to talk in depth about these things with the one person it affects even more than me!  

If I had my way, Eli and I would have long, glorious talks all about his thoughts on all of these things that impact his life.  I would have us snuggling on the sofa, defining all the "labels" that have been stuck to his forehead, so we could clarify and explain them and figure out just what that means in relation to "Eli the Boy", in a way that he could understand it and be okay with it.  

We'd go for walks, and I'd break it all down for him so that it wasn't an overwhelming enigma.  I'd take away all the fear!  He'd be comforted and secure and understand he wasn't some oddity.  We would have healing conversations about his feelings, his fears, his greatest challenges that he's facing right now, and how I can better help him overcome anything that he currently believes is standing in his way.  After I was finished, he wouldn't feel like he was different.  He'd feel empowered!  He would think, "Sure I've got this challenge to face, but I know I'll be like Superman and leap over it because I've got my mom and dad and brother and a whole lot of love and support and it's not going to be a problem because this is not a scary thing at all!  I'm super Eli!"  

Instead...when I try to broach a subject with him, I get cut off.  "Okaaaaay mom.... I got it.... can we drop it now???"   Exaggerated huffy breath.  I haven't even really said anything yet, but he knows what I'm bringing up and he wants none of it.

So we drop it.

I read an article the other day about a young man (late teens I believe) who was reading something about Asperger's and he recognized himself as the article unfolded.  He said to his parents, "This is me, isn't it?!"  His parents had never told him he was on the spectrum, never attempted to help him to understand or explain his challenges to him.  He stated in the article that all these years, he'd just thought he was really dumb.

It broke my heart!  That poor kid!  Why didn't his parents try to do everything they could to help him?  Why did they hide it, especially from HIM?!  It isn't fair of me to judge them, as I don't know their circumstances, and I certainly am not walking in their shoes.  Possibly they thought they were shielding him!  But I kept thinking of the emotional torment he'd been enduring silently for years all alone, not knowing, not understanding.  I don't want that for E!!!

I think my biggest worry for Eli is that he IS capable of understanding there's something "different" about him, and maybe he doesn't want to talk about it because it's easier to ignore it and pretend it's not there.  I don't know if that's healthy for him?  There's a slim chance that he just doesn't understand, but Eli is incredibly bright, and I really don't believe that to be true.  Then again, I'm never entirely sure what's going on in his little head so....????  I'm concerned it's denial and fear that doesn't allow him to talk about it and his way of coping is to push it aside and avoid it.

I don't want to force the issue and make him super uncomfortable.  Maybe he doesn't fully get it, and if I force it, then he will start to feel like there's a problem with him.  Maybe it's a nicer feeling for him to not ask questions, ignore it and just Live His Life and be himself.  I'm all for that!  

Some things we must discuss, such as a particular inappropriate behavior that may have occurred, why it was a problem and what is expected of him.  Those topics must be addressed quickly, or he forgets he did them (it's part of the Tourette Syndrome) - and while he doesn't LIKE to discuss it, I do force it on those occasions, because he has to deal with consequences and learning appropriate behaviors.

As for his many diagnoses... for now, if he doesn't want to discuss them, I plan to let him be.  We don't have to talk about it.  Sometimes I ask him if there's anything he wants to know, (NO!) or if I can explain anything that is confusing to him, (NO!) and I always reiterate that if he ever has any questions about anything, he should never be afraid to ask, (Okaaaaaayyyyy...can we change the subject now??!!)

Those fears haunt me though!  What if he's suffering on the inside, and he's not sharing it?  What if his perception of himself is totally skewed and wrong and he thinks he's damaged or broken and he won't verbalize it??  Ugh!  Those thoughts about do me in!  How do I make sure he understands and has the right information about all of this if he flat out refuses to discuss or share? 

For now I'll just let him be wonderful Eli, making sure he knows he can ask me anything, anything at all, at any time.  I guess that's about all I can do.  But I welcome your thoughts on the matter, if you have experienced anything similar with your child.