Don't look away

Yesterday I saw a little boy of about 8 or 9 at the grocery store who's face was badly damaged on one side.  I was unable to tell if it was burns, scarring due to an injury or a birth defect, but it affected one whole side of his sweet face, as well as his eye.  The other side of his face seemed untouched.  He was watching me push my cart toward the exit when I noticed him and caught his eye.  I looked into his pretty blue eyes and smiled at him.  At first he quickly looked away, but then he looked back at me and smiled.

I said to him, "How are you today?" and continued to smile at him, holding his gaze.

He said, "I'm good!" and kept smiling at me, looking intently into my face, seemingly surprised that I was looking at him.  In fact, he seemed extremely pleased that I was seeing him, and acknowledging him.

I know a lovely young lady who wears braces on her legs.  She is one of the most beautiful young women I know, both inside and out, yet quite often she experiences people glancing at her but then quickly looking away. If any of those people would bother to hold her gaze, she would dazzle them with her beautiful smile.  If anyone would bother to speak to her, they would be charmed by her lovely personality.  But most people simply look away.

Why is it our first instinct to look away when we see someone who appears physically different than we are? I think I know.  Think back to when you were a kid and you would see someone with a physical disability.  What was the first thing your parents always said?

"Don't stare!  It's rude"

So we learned to look away from anyone who appeared different than we are...anyone with a physical disability, or scars, or a wine stain birthmark covering someone's face, or if they use a wheelchair or braces....after all, we don't want to be rude, do we?!

But I wonder...how must it make the person feel, when we glance and look away?  What sort of message does that send to that person?

I don't see you.  

You don't exist.  

I can't look at you.

Is that not, in fact, being rude??

I think we need to retrain ourselves and the next generation. Now when we see someone with a physical difference or who is differently-abled than we are, instead of looking away, we need to teach our children and ourselves a new motto.

"When you look, make sure you smile."